Psychological Trauma - BA 2

Psychological Trauma

I’m driving home with my friends after partying. I had a couple of drinks with the rest of my friends Diamond, Terrell, Steve, and Robin. We’re all having a good time joking and laughing during our last time together a couple days after graduation and now we all travel down our own road into the world

“Play some music Sean,” says Diamond.

“I’m kinda busy trying to drive,” I reply.

“I got it,” says Terrell who is in the front passenger seat.

He rummages through the glove compartment looking for some CDs to play, bumping my arm innocently a couple of times. He finally finds some and pulls them out but the majority of them fall under my seat, so I quickly reach to grab them but can’t find any. So I lean forward letting go of the wheel a little searching for the CDs, then we hit a bump and the car starts to spin. Robin and Diamond are screaming as the car swerves from lane to lane, then the car seems to be off the ground and we suddenly stop.

I look around and see my friends hurt I suddenly feel very light-headed and can barely keep my eyes open. Every blurry image looks the same like looking into the sun or bright lights for a long time then looking at something.

I fall out of my bed waking up from the awful dream, but I wonder is it really a dream since it has already occurred. I think of this while I lay in bed tossing and turning trying to return back to sleep.

I turn on the TV looking for anything to watch to change the topic on my mind, but it didn’t work. As soon as I turn on the TV I see “You Drink, You Drive, You Lose” commercial and quickly turn the TV off then throw the remote.

Do the people who make these commercials ever think about people who have gone through this? Nobody wants to see a dramatization of painful experiences they have gone threw! Why didn’t the bartender take my keys so no one of us could drive home? Why isn’t any blame placed on him huh? He saw us leave bumping into others in the bar as we could not walk straight or barely keep on our feet, slurring our words as we paid for our drinks, and staggering.

But deep inside I know there is no one to blame but me, as I throw another empty beer can into a pile in the corner already. I drink to get rid of the intolerable memory of my friend’s death that was caused by drinking, but I continue to drink anyway.

I walk over to the fridge and open it looking for another beer to drink but there are no more and I notice the Chicago Sun-Times on the counter. I take a glimpse at the front page and see the car wreckage and the bold headline,

“Four Teens Killed While Drunk Driving”

The words cut each of my four hearts chambers in half and keep repeating this process until there is nothing left. M y body starts to die without any blood pumping throughout.

I start thinking about my friends again and all the adventures-outings and moments they can’t experience because of me. I took all of that away from them and I had, no I have no right to.

Doctors say I am lucky to have survived the accident and still be living, but I do not feel alive. The only difference I can tell between my friends and me is that I am not buried six-feet under. We both have the features on the outside and inside too. Their skin has not deteriorated yet, their organs are gone but mine might as well be gone too.

I pull a gun out of my drawer on the right side of my bed, place it on top and sit on my bed. I have been thinking about killing myself since I woke up in the hospital alone, but I know it will not fix everything.

Will it bring me satisfaction?

It will not bring them back to life but it will end mine.

Their families’ pain will not end but my families’ will start.

I do not feel although I deserve, so I raise the gun to my mouth and close my eyes. I start to cry. My hands start to shake and my body trembles. I can’t pull the trigger or take the gun out of my mouth as I sit on my bed stuck, as if I was tied to this position.

I gather all of the might inside of me just to pull the trigger.

I hear a deep piercing bang and then nothing…………